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Today’s Fortune: Consider selling ad space on your forehead.

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Newsreel

Japan faced quakes, fires, crashes, and a plague of frogs.

US water facilities still run Norton Antivirus demos.

Claudine Gay lost the Game of Thrones.

Nikki Haley marketed my Civil War book.

I get twenty dollars if Richard Branson’s on the logs.

Microscopic brain-repair robots made up for living through the above.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Hello, to all new and returning faces. A few more new than usual! Here’s how this works:

Updates labeled “Extra Evil” go out every Wednesday, with publishing updates, news riffs, stray jokes, ad breakdowns, mild treason, and other revolving features. They’re free! Remember free?

“Exclusive Evil” updates have standalone satire. Fiction, essays, pranks, and heavy treason. Generally the crowd favorite. And free! Bask in the largess.

Finally, “Expensive Evil” updates contain longform comic nonfiction. E.g. “funny stuff that happened.” The second half of each piece is paywalled. Boo. They fund the caffeine injections that keep my newsletter/heart running.

Thanks for joining in.

You know how the 1950’s are a stock parody era? You’re in another one. Enjoy it. They’ll be making fun of us in space.

The cold? Easy, and currently nonexistant. Shorter days? Betrayal.

My internal clock’s set to Nairobi. I could blame work or leisure, but I think it’s just what happens when I’m in charge. I never grew past bingeing comics/insane manifestos past curfew.

Now winter’s challenge isn’t frozen fingers, or that white stuff that used to fall from the sky. It’s vitamin D fading from memory. The sun’s still out when I get up, but I can only drag myself through email and dumbbells at the start of the day. Apollo’s punched out by the time I step out.

In short, I lucked out demographically. Otherwise I’d look like Marilyn Manson.

It’s funny where you find hope. Here’s a lifting family story to start the year.

My dad wasn’t the best guy headed to heaven a human much fun, but I remember our best moment. A literal walk in the park.

I’d just been dumped, and sulked as my age demanded. He saw an opening. Dad had strong opinions on love, voting, and who deserved either. He held proud eye contact as he pitched cutting an amendment for our intellectual future.

And marched right into a tree. Headfirst. I’d never seen anyone eat bark like that before, and haven’t since. Pure magic. The light I needed to move on.

It still makes me smile.

The Present

PETA: The Game is real.

Don’t forget to get your ethical reps in.

My love letter to kaiju. Or Christmas, I guess.

My five best gallows book reports.

Everything Abridged has the answers you need.

The Past

This SVU nonsense was probably my 1900HOTDOG article of the year.

The Future

I’ve got a tabletop legend recap in the pipeline.

This month’s New Yorker bit might cause problems. Wish me luck.

Not Brought to You By

Pharma ads, moral black hole aside, need a delicate touch. It’s real people, in real pain, and that deserves—

…dignity…and—

Wh….why?

I get it! They’re fun. This treats fun back pain. And gets fun grades.

Creativity: F
Persuasion: F
Sanity: D

One Sentence Reviews

W0RLDTR33 Vol. 1: Better than the name implies. (3/5)

Weapon Brown - Aftershock: Quality overtime. (4/5)

American Vandal, Season Two: A fine sequel to my North Star. (4.5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter that’s learned nothing. Share it to follow suit.

-DD