Extra Evil - Ignore All Imitations
Today’s Fortune: Phish isn’t just a band.
Newsreel
Lord Google, generous god of site traffic, was falsely condemned.
Stocks caught up to the general mood.
Bangladesh’s prime minister is on permanent leave.
Ukraine received the greatest weapon of the 1970s.
Kamala found her Kamala.
A Higgs Boson musical might be coming, but experts aren’t certain yet.
Today's Mood
War Journal
PSA: A reader got a spoof message, so I’ve changed the locks and flicked support on the nose. Remember: I’ll never ask about your funds or nudes in a dry voice. It’ll be a hilarious voice. You’ll giggle through every sentence of panhandling.
Remember “1 Train?” That A$AP Rocky posse cut I waxed poetic about? The R still deserves a remix. It could start after 20 minutes of silence, and cut out before the best verse.
I might be typing this on the R.
Where, sadly, the ad trend of machine gunning one-liners lives on. I shouldn’t blame the format for our pain. It’s not so much flawed as revelatory. Remixing one idea exposes it from every angle. Your exact effort and power level are in plain view, and they’re rarely flattering.
On that note: Did Billboard chart rules change after Old Town Road’s glorious remix spam? Otherwise, it’s odd that no one’s ripped that method off since. You can can cite restraint or artistic integrity, if you like lying to yourself. Labels aren’t famous for leaving money on the table.
I’m at peace with pigeons. They look amusing. They fly amusingly. I’ve dodged their waste for decades without issue. I’ll leave jokes at their expense behind. They’re the people’s doves.
Backroom business: I’ve bought a proper URL for Extra Evil. A See More Evil subdomain might have worked, but people hate typing. I haven’t deployed it yet since I’m torn about mail platforms.
The conflict? I like talking to people, and meeting writers. Along with beautiful, beautiful attention. But there’s a brownshirt section, the AI support wall declares Not Caring with extra bass, and Notes is dire. Earth doesn’t need LinkedIn desperation at Twitter length.
Anyway, once I’m done waffling, you can get the archive with less keystrokes. Nice, no?
The Present
Another spacecraft lost pandering to Long Island. [Exclusive Evil]
Cat worship outlived the pharaohs. [1900HOTDOG]
I talked on the Doggzone about The Herculoids. It’s perfect. [1900HOTDOG]
The Dark Knight learns nothing. [1900HOTDOG]
Pretty please read Everything Abridged. [My Book]
The Past
Someone in meatspace said this is my best story.
The Future
I’m scraping a few pennies together for a prank in big print. Then, if I can go one afternoon without the world burning down, there should be a new Expensive Evil soon. Followed rapidly by a way less overthought entry. I might also be returning to a familiar topic in the HotDog column, though I have some fresh insanity as well.
Not Brought to You By
Fun fact: the NYPD showers ad agencies with money to attract diverse recruits (“diverse” meaning people with my vertical jump and taste in hats). Like Walter Isaacson, whose usual clients look more like Nike. You won’t find a government logo on their website. But the deal’s renewed, so they’re either doing very well, or poorly enough to keep the NYPD desperate. A beautiful friendship.
Motherhaus, however, does keep NYPD work on their website. I say we take a look.
That’s just a banner. Let’s see how they play it live.
That exists. One-liner spam, without even trying wit. I’d have uploaded a readable shot, but I’m an armchair general. What about Times Square? Ads go crazy at Times Square.
I’ll admit: I came to this topic biased. I wanted to use up my nightstick jokes before diving into the next column. Whip up some classic online ire. So I’m surprised I’m this fucking bored. They glued two expressions into something duller than either, and stopped there.
Forget my hot takes on NYPD ethics, oppression robots, misplaced bodycams, or need to exist. Does this glorified pun make you want to chase drunks? Or be a train station scarecrow? Push harder.
Creativity: D
Persuasion: D-
Sanity: D
One Sentence Reviews
The Villainess: No movie’s ever fallen harder from a perfect opening. (2/5)
Megan Thee Stallion - Megan: Sometimes simple works. (3.5/5)
Robert Cappa - Photo Poche: The $1 bookstore rack giveth. (4.5/5)
Cats’ Letters to Santa: The $1 bookstore rack taketh away. (1/5)
My Sister the Serial Killer: Made for domestic flights. (2.5/5)
Difficult Loves: This Italo Calvino guy has potential. (Yeah it’s good/5)
Open Question
The Bat-Villain Tournament finals are here! Clear the streets, there’s going to be collateral.
Our four qualifier winners were The Marketable Mime (The Joker), The Enticing Ecoterrorist (Poison Ivy), The Immortal In-Law (Ra’s Al Ghul), and The Threatening Therapist (Hugo Strange). I know half of you thought that last one meant Scarecrow, so he’s our Wild Card entrant. As for Harley, she’s been face for longer than she played sidekick. Time moves on.
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter chilling in Arkham. Share it to break out.
"Notes is dire. Earth doesn’t need LinkedIn desperation at Twitter length." -- Headshot.
Coincidentally, I've decided to become a pro wrestling heel on Notes, which is something you, me, Michael, and others could probably have some fun with. I've already started a fake beef with Carlos which has 1) livened the place up a bit, 2) provided cover for me to hurl invective at the platform and its users, and 3) duped some people into hitting subscribe.
Most of my Batman knowledge comes indirectly via the Tom and Jeff Watch Batman podcast. I don't have time to watch Batman, I'm too busy listening to the podcast.
Anyways, I vote for plant witch. I like plants. I like the earth. The Scarecrow is good too but he's too spooky!