Bonus article! It’s like yesterday’s holiday, but better. If you enjoy it, bless someone else with it. If you don’t, punish them.
Also: Everything Abridged is now available with a little extra Everything. And in paperback. It’s like this newsletter, but better.
The Phantom of Hinge
By Dennard Dayle
Thursday, February 16 at 2:19 PM
You sent Katherine a rose.
You
A vision…from the gods…
From which heaven did you fall? What are your dreams?
It’s a match!
Katherine
uptown
i want 2 sing
You
The opera! I dabble.
Text me at 1-212-PHA-NTOM. I will unlock your destiny.
Katherine
hmm
maybe
Sunday, February 19 at 7:44 PM
638-436-7372
is this Derek?
You added contact “Katherine (Hinge).”
You
Hello, flower of the digital fields.
This is *Erik.* Now, and forevermore.
Has the sun kissed your skin this fine morning?
Katherine (Hinge)
hi
it’s good
i like ur mask
You
You must never remove it, Katherine.
Until the third date.
That is a coy joke. NEVER touch my mask.
Tell me you understand, Katherine.
Katherine (Hinge)
lol
my real name’s Christine
gotta b careful
You changed contact name to “Christine (Muse).”
You
True. There are madmen out there.
Christine. A humble harmony hailing from heaven.
;D
That is a flirty wink.
NEVER touch my mask.
Christine (Muse)
k
Monday, February 20 at 3:28 PM
You
Quite the exchange! It’s time we met.
Shall we descend my labyrinth of madness? Or do coffee?
Christine (Muse)
don’t like coffee
what’s a lab rinse?
nvm googled it
sounds fun
You
Excellent.
You may enter my world of shadows and mirrors this Thursday.
After 7. I have to work.
Thursday, February 23 at 7:30 PM
Christine (Muse)
running a few behind
You
For you, I would wait forever.
Christine (Muse)
which trap door is it
there’s a bunch
You
Any of them.
Thursday, February 23 at 10:03 PM
You changed contact to “Christine (Traitor!)”
You
I couldn’t help but notice…you brought company along.
Company of a male persuasion.
Who is this vagabond?
Christine (Traitor!)
that’s raoul
just a friend
You
Excellent.
I was almost worried.
You changed contact to “Christine (Angel)”
You
All will be well, as long as he remains a friend.
And you never touch my mask.
Christine (Angel)
i might :)
;)
You
Do. Not. Touch. My. Mask.
Christine (Angel)
okay whatever jeez
You
Would you like to go hatchet throwing? Or return to my maze of death?
Christine (Angel)
omg labyrinth please
so tired of the hatchets
You
Tomorrow, at dusk. Bring a smile. Do not touch my mask.
Friday, February 24 at 10:45 PM
You
Things got intense. I hope you had fun anyway.
Christine (Angel)
dude
your face is jacked
not cool
You changed contact to “Christine (Harlot!)”
You
Well.
I told you to never touch my mask.
Christine (Harlot!)
and i told you i wasn’t staying the night
i thought we were compromising
You
Violently violating my vile visage? Such vanity!
After all I taught you.
Yours is a benighted generation.
Christine (Harlot!)
raoul was right
ur a catfish
You
Your “friend” again? With the unburnt, unmutated face?
Perhaps all women are the same.
Why not catfish? When only rejection waits in the light?
Christine (Harlot!)
u look like jerky
You
You look like betrayal.
Saturday, February 25 at 11:33 AM
You
Excellent time last night.
Don’t worry about the mask stuff.
I hope you enjoyed my labyrinth.
We can do more lessons, whenever you’re feeling up to it.
Sunday, February 26 at 10:00 AM
You
Christine?
Monday, February 27 at 4:12 PM
You
Just finished Don Juan Triumphant!
My agent says it’s pretty good.
(A masterpiece.)
Shall we celebrate?
Christine
not sure I feel a spark
down for more lessons though
i’ll hit you back later
You
Of course! Take your time.
Wednesday, March 1 at 2:28 PM
You
Shall we try Faust? It’s a good fit for you.
The music, not the bargain with the devil.
Unless you want to make one. ;)
Kidding!
Wednesday, March 1 at 3:30 PM
You
It’s good that we can joke together.
Let me know about Faust.
Thursday, March 2 at 8:05 AM
You
Hello, Carlotta. Excellent aria.
Oh my! I seem to have texted another student in error.
Funny how that happens. With my many muses.
Friday, March 3 at 7:01 PM
You
I love you.
Yesterday, 6:41 AM
You
Hey.
Haven’t heard from you in a while.
Christine!
CHRISTINE.
Today, 3:03 AM
You
You can’t block my love.
Today, 5:31 AM
You
Please don’t block my love.
Today, 11:03 PM
You
Don’t let it be true.
Could the real Phantom of Hinge…
Have always been you?
Hope you enjoyed it. And consider getting my super special awesome book, expanded, at human paperback price.
Postgame Question:
What’s your dealbreaker?
A mash-up of two things I've managed to avoid in my lifetime and, based on this piece, for good reason.
I'll be telling my kids "You look like betrayal" as early as this afternoon.
🤣🤣🤣 I laughed, I cried, it was better than CATS.
I didn't want it to end!
CHRISTINE!!!